32 cuts on my arms

i get into these moods sometimes and i just wanna destroy destroy destroy and i can only dull it by talking excessively but i very often have no one to talk to

haha thanks mom for ruining my fucking mood once again i hate this family!!!

6mins 36secs

this is how long the first utterly terrible mental breakdown of the year lasted pt.2 which is today.
started at 1:56.
called ali as soon as i began to tear up
consumed with rage and other emotions
screaming “fuck” and “dammit” over and over
threw self against door to balcony and slid down
sat with knees drawn to chest and repeatedly beat back of head against door
gross sobbing
glasses blurred from tears and foggy due to shallow breathing / gasping
threw glasses against wall

trigged by: not going to school for no good reason and missing avid visitors who told everyone how great we were missed out of praise / experience i couldnt get anywhere else

things i kind of know
- dad was abusive to mother (??)
- im hurting myself again
- anxiety and ???
- my dad has anxiety and my grandma does 2 maybe its inherited
- my mom and i feel similarly
- sierra might b here 2 stay

sitemodelx:

credit to @mariell4_ on twitter and like this post

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im going to shove pens into my eyes underneath them so the pop out of the sockets and hit the screena nd SPLAT 

box cutters i heard those work but idke know what one of those fucking looks like? i just need to tear my body into shreds i need to shred it through a paper shredder or at least get sharper bvlades im so weaks yknow that i really am aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and if i could be

who you wanted

if i could be

who you wanted

all the time

all the time

aaaaaaaahhh ahhhh ahhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dunnnn 

dun dund un dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OOOOONE DAY I AM GONNA GROW WING S

finally did it wow and 2 the 2 radiohead songs 2 wfowwo

im not bleeding yet but i want to bleed to get this all out idk 

ive been having lots of depersonalization issues lately i feel very alienated

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